Kelly Osbourne shares about her battle with addiction.
Kelly Osbourne is set to release a revealing tell-all memoir titled ‘There Is No F*cking Secret:Letters From A Badass Bitch’ on April 25th, 2017. As many know, her battles with addiction have been well publicized.
In 2009, Kelly Osbourne revealed to many that she had been battling addiction since she was 16. During this time, Kelly revealed she developed an addiction to the opiate based drug Vicodin after being exposed to it by friends when she began clubbing.
‘I was relaxed, tingly and happy. The next morning, I called the guy and bought two or three pills for about $20,’
Kelly revealed her addiction became far more intense when her mother, Sharon Osbourne, was diagnosed with cancer in 2002. She has shared that the Vicodin helped her feel strong during this trying time in her life. That the pills would help her hide her sadness at what was happening with her mother. She began taking the pills all day long six or more at a time.
‘Soon I was taking 50 pills a day. Most people would overdose on ten.’
After her addiction was exposed to her family through anonymous photos, Kelly (now 24) went through rehab a total of three times.
Kelly’s families struggle with addiction have been spread all over the news. Her Father, Ozzy Osbourne, had abused alcohol and drugs for the majority of his life. He has currently been sober for the past 5 years. Her brother Jack was treated the first time for addiction at 17. Kelly’s stints in rehab began when she was 19.
“I can’t honestly say I’ve ever been clean,” she says. “I’m getting a second chance, and I want to be present for it.”
Kelly has shared that the media and fans constant attention towards her weight was a contributing factor to her addiction. “Having your local radio station talking about how fat you are? It really hurt. One Web site put up my phone number telling people to call me and tell me I’d eaten too many doughnuts,” she recalls. When talking about her drug of choice, Vicodin, she had this to say, “Within 45 minutes (of taking a Vicodin) I was the life of the party. I thought, ‘I can take one of these and I don’t have to worry about if I’m dressed right or look fat.’”
Despite the addiction history in their family, her mother Sharon says she was in denial about her daughters substance use issues. “I always give them the benefit of the doubt,” she said. “Even though in the back of my head, I kind of know it, in my heart, I don’t want to say it.” Meanwhile Kelly used Ozzy’s then-ongoing addictions to divert attention from herself. “I’d be like, ‘Look at Dad! It’s him, not me [who has a problem]. You’re just projecting on me now.’”
As she struggled personally at the height of her addiction, professionally she thrived. in 2002, her debut album hit #1 on the Billboard Heatseekers charts. In 2005 she released her second album. Kelly has revealed that touring worsened her problems. “On tour you’re alone, in a foreign country where you can’t speak the language.” By 2005, Kelly admits, she had sabotaged her career: “I drank, I was rude, I said I’d do something and wouldn’t show up. I did what I could to destroy it.”
In 2004, Kelly’s parents caught her with prescription pills and sent to to Promises Treatment Center in Malibu. On her experience there, Kelly has shared “Promises works for some people; for me it was too comfortable. It was like a vacation without a bar.” Kelly returned to rehab again in 2005 but did not stay clean.
When Kelly moved from London to LA in early 2009, being back where her drug use had been its worse caused an immediate relapse. “So many people get sober in L.A., but it’s really hard for me. I know where to hang out where people will just offer you drugs. Everyone does it here,” she says. Soon, her depression spiraled. “I couldn’t see into tomorrow. I was using anything to make me sleep through the day. I got really into smoking pot. My only relationship was with the pizza delivery guy,” she says. “It sounds funny in retrospect, but it’s not funny that I hated myself like that.” Her biggest regret? “It’s so embarrassing, the number of times I’ve thrown myself down the stairs to try and hurt myself to get pills,” she says. When her family and friends demanded that she get help, she thought,
“I knew if I didn’t go, I would die. I thought, ‘Thank God someone’s going to make this pain go away.’”
Treatment during her 30 day stay in rehab included therapy sessions for herself and with her family. “I learned a lot about myself,” she says. “If I’m anxious, I have to take certain steps in letting people know I suffer from anxiety. If I’m uncomfortable, I can take a break and call someone to help me, rather than sit there, exploding.” Her family, “learned how they can help me progress in a healthy way.”
When sharing about her recovery Kelly had this to say, “Getting up in the morning and not having to think of a list of lies is a new thing,” she says. “I went on a plane and didn’t take a pill for the first time.”
“I have to take every day as it comes,” she says. “This is a disease. I was born with it. I’ll die with it.” But she’s cautiously optimistic. “I just want to be happy,” she says. “Anything is better than the way it was.”